When I first decided to begin developing the second season of Traces of Mika, I was nervous because I had revealed so much in season one. I asked myself how am I supposed to come back now and expose my life again? I understand life is about lessons and you’re supposed to share your journey because it could be encouraging or inspiring for others but I’ve never been the one to openly talk about my pain; maybe because I was still healing from it. Now it’s time I talk about more things that involved my journey as a mother, my experiences with the people around me, my relationships with my loved ones, and with my friends.
I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about in Traces of Mika season two, until my oldest child, my daughter, said some things online about my parenting. It’s a little bit similar to recent headlines in the news about, broken homes, co-parenting, and disciplining your kids. Except my children weren’t abused, my children were raised with structure. My parental reinforcements were heightened by my ex-husband who made it a mission to paint himself out to be a good , fun parent, who would be permissive . He was the fun parent, who’s only offering was to be their friend. I never had an equal partner in parenting, nor did I have a strong, present, partner in marriage. I had to do this shit on my own and he made damn sure, I had a hard time figuring it out too.
My first marriage ended abruptly when I made the decision that I didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore. I verbally told my husband at the time that I no longer wanted to be married and he didn’t care about my wants, my desires, or happiness. His words, not mine. His perception was “Let’s just stick it out, it is what it is” and I did not want to stay in the marriage. Ultimately, he committed a crime against a woman and was convicted of rape. The turn of events put the nail in the coffin for me to end my marriage. All in the process of me protecting my children from the horrendous crime their dad committed and the shaken reality of what our lives had become. It created a web of lies and secrets that eventually damaged my children and corrupted the relationship between my children and me. Simply because they had to place the blame of their broken family on someone, and since I didn’t reveal their dad’s crime to them for some years, I became their reason as to why their family was no more.
I had to protect their innocence and protect them from the truth and that meant carrying my pain alone. I bore the weight of everything financially, became the leader of my household and the disciplinary. I assumed the role of their teacher, overseer, provider, and protector. I had to be everything to my children. The one thing I couldn’t do for my children was to be their friend, which is unfortunate with many single parents. We don’t have the luxury of being a friend to our children because we are too busy taking care of everything else, and lastly, we take care of ourselves.
As a single mother, I had to discipline my children on my own. I had to reinforce them to achieve higher grades and encourage them to maintain their appearance before they left the house on my own. My children would complain about me to their father. I mean, what child enjoys being told to clean your room, get good grades, go to school and maintain good behavior. My ex-husband, who didn’t like me after I decided to cut ties with him, fueled our children’s dislike for me. Instead of giving reassurance and creating a positive, stable environment for our children, his response to them would be “I want to come back home anyway or I don’t know why your mom is doing this or that” making himself out to be a good and logical person. My ex-husband ultimately assisted with me becoming the enemy in my own home to my children. Granted, I played a part as well. I was 24 with a 4 and 8-year-old when my husband at the time was convicted, only two years before my mother took her last breath right in front of me. I was unhappy. I’m certain there were times it wasn’t fun to be around me and I had no help in raising my children. But like many black women, especially single black mothers, we aren’t given the time or chance to just cry and receive a break from the hustle and bustle. We’re idolized as STRONG. As if that’s such a good thing, to never receive help and emotional support, that we have to be strong enough not to break down or cry. Not only did I not get to rest or cry for that matter, but my ex-husband would also then guilt me into wanting to help him, and if I didn’t, he spoke badly about me to my children. My children without a doubt experienced negative spaces and energy from me because obviously, this is a shitty situation. The combination of these things created a dynamic in our family that was toxic and divided for years. Still is.
In the second season of Traces of Mika, I felt compelled to talk about my marriage and the upbringing of my children after some statements were released about my character online from my daughter. When she decided to reveal parts of her truth online. I had to sit down and acknowledge her truth and her experiences. While I take some accountability and acknowledge my part on why my daughter revealed the things that she did, in actuality, there’s more to reveal to truly understand. In some ways exposing my truth was healing and brought things full circle for me. I felt empowered speaking my truth, until now, I have never publicly spoken about how my marriage ended and the effects of my then husband being convicted of assaulting another woman has been on my family. Also, I never disclosed the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse that I endured during the marriage. Today I laugh more and smile more than I ever have before, and that honestly is not due to forgiving or revealing my past. It has everything to do with acceptance and peace.
In Traces of Mika season 2, it’s going to unveil and expose parts of my life I’ve never spoken about publicly, simply because in the past, the truth would affect my children, who was very young at the time. It’s my most vulnerable conversation yet as I also include my son. For the first time, I allow him to speak his truth and his experience with his family.
I encourage any woman experiencing pain, grief, and toxic behavior within their marriage, relationships, and even relationships with your children, to break away from it. Breakaway from it because you deserve happiness too, you deserve to live your life smiling every day because your feelings matter. You’re allowed to cry, and you can too be healed and free of people and experiences that no longer bring you peace and joy.
I’m anxious to share this opening season episode with you. This season will focus on life after healing. There’s another level of understanding and a different way you love when you have healed. I’ve worked on accepting the past and practice good habits and good deeds these days. It’s the most joy and peace that I have ever experienced in my life. I can’t wait to take you guys on a journey of healing with new secrets revealed, more love talks, guest appearances from some of my famous friends, and of course more funny skits to laugh at in between tracks.
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Peep some behind the scene pics of the season opener