Traces of Mika Episode 03: My Love Language

So, let’s not get it twisted. I cuss a whole lot now, I don’t even go to church these days, but I grew up in the church. Heavily in the church as a matter of act. My God Father was the pastor, my God Mother was the Youth Pastor, Pastor’s secretary, leader of the women’s ministry, in the choir, and was over the outreach ministry. Mannnn when I tell you that I was in church every dang day, I was in church every dang day! On Sundays, because we stayed on the white side of the town of Fort Worth, we had to drive nearly 40 minutes to church. Now my church was in the hood and this was actually the only time when I was around other black kids (I went to school with predominately white kids until high school).

But on Sunday’s we had to get up at 7 in the morning just to get to church before everyone else, open up with praise and worship, and then we would sit in a service that wouldn’t end until two pm. Then to top that off, we had to be back at church for youth service at 5 P.M. and then stay for evening service which was at 7 P.M. Bruhhhh I used to think that this much church wasn’t necessary. But I could never say that as a child. Everyone who was my overseer was a minister of some sort and I was the baby in the church and in my family, so imagine my biblical influencers.

Throughout Traces of Mika in the flashback scenes from 1997, you hear me preaching and praying. I loved everything about praying and talking to God. I made original gospel songs and I witnessed to people everywhere. I was so good at this that my Pastor allowed me to actually preach Sunday night service a few times and this was in front of nearly 300 people. I was a Pastor in the making! And I LOVED being up there teaching. Because I had everyone’s attention something that I never got at home or school. I actually write about this in my book Cookie a Fort Worth Story, which is loosely based on my life.

So track 3 opens up with me praying…..take it in for a bit lol. You may laugh at me a little bit too, but I was dead serious at the about tha prayer.

Now on to the conversation

As much as I write about love, feelings make me cringe lol. But let’s continue to break down this episode of Traces of Mika. I sat down with Vince of the While Black Podcast to talk about love, dating and trying to find Mr. Right Now, for me. Notice I didn’t say Mr. Right lol. Now hear me out because I am not all that hardcore like people may think I am. But love does make me feel vulnerable and I hate vulnerability and I have purposefully stayed out of that emotion for a few years now. I have a few reasons as to why and the main one is, I just did not want to do it. I did not want to care about someone else and be obligated to someone else. I operate better alone and on my own terms and for the past few years I have been building up Mika. Getting me back to happy.

I honestly am this way with everyone however and not just the people that I choose to date. I am leery of new friends too because when I love you when I care, I do not know how to half-ass that. I feel extremely hard and I love extremely hard and that time of passion and care shouldn’t just be given to anyone.

So, do I avoid love, sure? Do I want love, HELLLLLL yes!! I actually can not wait to be with someone in a serious way. I am ready to allow myself to connect on a deeper level because I am just ready to. There is no hidden clue or some big moment that has changed my mind. It’s just that simple. I didn’t want to then and now I want to.

But even with that being said, there’s a process of getting to know people and building a connection. So, I still don’t believe or need a title. I just need them. I just need their energy. I just need their time. For me, this is simple to understand; but for many it is complicated. I think for them it comes off like I have one foot in and one foot out, but that’s actually not true at all. I am a realist.

When meeting someone new, I do not know them. And knowing someone isn’t about a timestamp or a mile mark; it’s about time being spent and energies being exchanged. You learn the core of someone by just getting to know them and allowing that time to naturally flow. It’s sort of like being intentional with your time and with your communication. Making those intentions pure and honest will lead to you growing with someone. And then that someone becomes that one. You just choose to take it day by day in my book. So, I don’t need to be called your girlfriend and I don’t need any promises said to me. I just need your time and we’ll take it from there.

But in this conversation, I talk about sex, dating, monogamy, and how I process these things. Vince in this interview, I believe, asked all the good questions and I reveal some intimate desires of my own. And although I know my approach to dating may not be as common because I don’t think like the majority; hear me out. Listen to my point of view and let’s talk about it.

Email me at [email protected] your feedback or your questions. As I said, I am a self-proclaimed relationship expert lol. But for the most part, I don’t know how to love either. I am learning just like most of us.

Now, this episode ends with me taking you all back into the “Dating These Ni**as” skit (handbook is coming soon by the way). We continue to name off the types of dudes there are. Now we may offend some people on this one but in my defense, we were celebrating 420.

Let’s dig into episode 3…..